(Numero eins) I'll be back on good ol' home turf by the 29th and apparently Sam starts school on the 4th or something so that's plenty of time to go do some schtuff. Plenty of liquor bottles and smokeables and whatnot. For it shall be something awesome to come back to.
(Numero zwei) a + b + c - d = x
Where: a = Yang b = many cheap and fantastic restauraunts c = many relatives who like to eat d = delicious, appetite suppressing tobacco x = One giant ass.
Side note: If you happen to be one of those people who still remember maths, don't twist that equation around to say something like a = x. Just don't. That's not nice.
(Numero drei) Update your rolodexes, people. While I was here, me parents made me apply for a bunch of unis again, so long story short, I'm now going to Macquarie. Which is still inconsequential since I'm pretty sure nobody I know goes there, and apparently I'm still too much of a tool to qualify for USyd or UNSW. But just letting you know. S'about it.
So I get a call from Willoughby Popo about half an hour ago telling me that Daily's been missing since Sunday. Because Sam has pulled stupid prank call shit like this before, I thought it was him but that's not really relevant is it. Anyway, the point is: Daily, man. That's not cool. Come home man. But call your dad first.
So I'm just hanging around the house when I hear the doorbell ring. As I look through the window parts, I see two dudes. Impeccably dressed in white ironed shirts, ties, black pants, backpacks and the trademark bible held as close to their righteous hearts as possible. Of course, the only thing you can think to yourself is 'BLOODY MISSIONARIES!' And that's where the awesome starts. So I open the door to see what I can see.
Missionary: Hi, we're from the Church of blah blah blah and were wondering if we could take a moment of your time. Me: Sure man, what can I do you for. Missionary: Well first, we'd like to start off with a question: Have you found God in your life? Me: I'm familiar with the fellow, yes. Missionary: Well then, I'd like to read you one of my favourite bible passages, John 3:16, perhaps you've heard of it. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." Me: Yes yes, I know the passage. Missionary: Then, if you don't mind me asking, of what faith are you? Me: *idea* Excuse me a moment, gents. *runs to room and frantically searches for my 'Quotations of Chairman Mao* Missionary: Hello? Me: Sorry, back to your question, in this house we are atheists. Missionary: *face sort of lights up* Ah, so you haven't found God in your life? Me: Well actually, in this house, we're Communists and we follow the teachings of Comrade Chairman Mao Zedong. Missionary: That's... uh... okay... that's... rather unusual... we don't get many... Communists... uh... in our work... Me: Really? Well you should really try it. His word is quite profound and rings true every time. I'd like to read you one of my favourite passages, from Chapter... *opening book at random* ...nineteen, 'Revolutionary Heroism.' And I quote, *with the dramatic bravado of an overenthusisastic Shakespearean actor* "Thousands upon thousands of martyrs have heroically laid down their lives for the people; let us hold their banner high and march ahead along the path crimson with their blood!" Missionary: Uhhh... sure... uh... while, I guess... the idea of a perfectly equal world is... uh... appealing. The... uhhh.... God we follow promises us a different path to uh... paradise. *Suddenly realises he's talking to some dude holding a Little Red Book* Anyway, take this pamphlet, and if it interests you, don't be afraid to attend one of our meetings. Me: Sure thing my man. Is that all? Missionary: Uh... yeah. Hopefully we'll see you there. Bye for now. Me: See you around. *brings the Red Book closer to my chest* Missionary: Yeah. *walk away like shook ones*
END
Note: This isn't recent. It actually happened ages ago. But I wanted to note it down before I forgot about it, because it was the best fucking thing ever. And because I haven't written anything in a while.
HAY VEGETA! WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS AGE?
HE'S OVER EIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. EIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. HE'S OVER EIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. EI-EI-EI-EIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN.
WHAT? EIGHTEEN?!
Yeah, you get the picture. Man, the first cigarette I have as an eighteen year old is not Lucky Strike. T.T
So I'm sitting in the lecture hall listening to the awesome Microeconomics teacher lecture the way a lecturer would. So like one minute he's talking about externalities or something similar and the next, HE PULLS OUT A FUCKING CIGARETTE AND LIGHTS IT UP. HE SPENDS THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES SMOKING AND LECTURING, INSIDE THE LECTURE HALL NO LESS, LIKE ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING IS WRONG. Then, while my balls are still reeling over that fact, I begin to notice he's carrying around a cup and ashing in it. "Fair enough" I think to myself. "It's one thing to smoke indoors, but quite another to be dirtying up the carpet with ash." I continue thinking this until he finishes the cigarette and drops it in the cup, which holds therein, some water (or vodka, I don't know what to believe anymore) which I would've assumed was to put out any embers still on the butt. UNTIL HE STARTS DRINKING IT. AND HE FINISHED THE WHOLE CUP.
Yeah. I don't care if you don't care. The fact remains that I have witnessed a new age of manliness in the education system.
EDIT: Also, it occurs to me that I am legally able to drink in just over a week. Nothing important to say there. I just really like that fact.
Well my hair was getting pretty annoying so I go to the usual Viet hairdresser in Bankstown for my haircut, right. But the regular woman was out on lunch or something and the only two others there were some stand-in and some hairdresser in training. The stand-in was busy with someone else so the only choice I had was the bloody noob. So I tell her what my regular cut is and she goes fucking nuts with the scissors and shit. You know that feeling you get halfway through a cut where it looks absolutely ridiculous and you're almost shitting your pants because it seems like it's going to be fucked up? Well you usually ignore that feeling because you know they're "professionals" and it'll be fine. FUCKING WRONG. From that point on, it just kept getting worse and worse and I kept telling myself it's cool until the shit started piling up in my pants and the woman said it was done. THE FUCKER MADE ABSOLUTE DESTRUCTION OF IT. Seriously, it was like some kind of semi-mullet cut by a blind cat with Parkinson's. Little bits of longer hair in odd places and everything. So of course I got pretty godamn pissed and got my ill-spent money back.
Then the regular woman came back and she said the only way I could not look bloody retarded in public was if I made everything a uniform length. Long story short, Yang, due to noob failure, now comes with like 95% less hair. Fucking stupid. My scalp never felt so cold before. Expect to never see me without my beanie/hat/other head coverings for a looooong fucking time.
So yesterday, I was going to go to the UWS orientation, which isn't a flashy 'WE'VE GOT SHITLOADS OF CASH AND OH SHIT HERE COMES THE MONEY SHOWER' one but still apparently I had to go. Ed and I were supposed to drive up there so I wake up at like 6:30 just to get there on time. So I get there right, and the mofo's sleeping. For like an hour.
Long story short, Uni hasn't even started yet, and I'm already jigging. This is a fucking amazing start to Uni life.
I'm not sure right now, but I think i may have made a massive mistake of epic proportions. So the moral of the story is to never listen to your parents when the time comes to choose your Uni preferences. ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE ASIAN. THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS. So long story short, I have Science (Communications) at UNSW for reasons I don't even remember. SCIENCE FOR GOD'S SAKE. WHAT THE FUCK. I HAVEN'T TAKEN SCIENCE SINCE LIKE YEAR 10.
In other news, this holiday isn't bad but it would be much more satisfillin' if this kinda shit didn't happen. And if I had tobacco.
It seems you'll have to find a way to cope without me for a while. I know it'll be hard, but you really have to try. If anyone wants something from Hong Kong/Philippines like cheap stuff and other cheap shit, speak your mind, brother. I GOT PRODUCT.
In other news. My layout has been pimpified. Pimpified hard.
FORGET WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT VIDEOGAMES. WII IS THE FUTURE OF EVERYTHING. WINTENDO DELIVERS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. ALL CAPS DOES LITTLE TO CAPTURE MY EXCITEMENT. IT'S LIKE GOD, ALLAH, BUDDHA AND ZEUS ARE ALL LIVING INSIDE A LITTLE WHITE BOX OF EVERLASTING AWESOME.
That's it. The culmination of thirteen years of all I ever knew feels much more groundbreaking than I thought it would. Suddenly it seems like the last five years were nothing at all, especially when that hated word, 'nostalgia' enters the mind and you realise you hadn't done nearly enough. Not even sure what happens now, I've never been faced with so much freedom before. I keep getting reminded of that bit in the Simpsons where Mr. Teeny gets taken away from Krusty and all the other monkeys give him this evil glare. Those of you familiar with that part would know what I mean. And if you don't, well I don't like you. Yeah, kinda fits. What suckery is this, just when school was starting to get good. Seriously, this is the most fun term I've ever had and it just got better exponentially with each passing week. Exhibit A: Picking me up just to let me down. Hm. What now. I know, It's high time for another tally.
CHINA McTELEMARKETER: Hello, your number has been randomly selected to win free accomodation as well as another prize of your choice. ME: (just clicked on Winamp) Mmmhmm CHINA McTELEMARKETER: Have you previously heard of a company named (forgot it again) ME:(cursing under my breath for having such a slow comp) Uhhh, not to my knowledge. CHINA McTELEMARKETER: Which prize would you rather? A free DVD player or- ME:(Winamp just loaded and now typing in my song of choice) Well you know, there is something that I've always wanted. CHINA McTELEMARKETER: What is that, sir? ME:(now holding the phone up to the speakers) SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE UNCLE FUCKAAA, YOU'RE A COCK SUCKING ASS LICKING UNCLE FUCKAAA. YOU'RE AN UNCLE FUCKA YES IT'S TRUE, NOBODY FUCKS UNCLES QUITE LIKE YOU CHINA McTELEMARKETER: *click*
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
heppymao's journal
